I Have Met My Mssiah

When I was seven years old my grandmother died. She was my encourager, my place of comfort and rest. She was my security. This was the first time I remember questioning the meaning of life and the first time I somehow knew there had to be a God.

I was raised in a typically Reformed Jewish way, going to Sunday School and occasionally to Sabbath services. There was much I did not understand, but one thing I knew for sure, I disliked what I believed to be the hypocrisy. Showing up several times a year for the High Holiday services, Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, or Hanukkah (much like many non-Jews attend church only on Christmas and Easter), in my opinion, did not make one a good Jew (or a committed Christian). To me this would not be enough to make one worthy of forgiveness of sins. So when I came to the Bat Mitzvah age I dropped out. I either was going to do it 100% or not at all.

By the time I was sixteen, I had been through two more grandparents' deaths and I went to see a Rabbi to seek wisdom as to why bad things happen. What he said must have impressed me because I rejoined the Synagogue and was confirmed. During my college years and young twenties, still struggling to find true spirituality, I read many books, tried various meditations, and even dabbled in the New Age movement.

I shudder to think of the evil things that surrounded me and with which I was involved at that time. I know that God always loved me and that He protected me even then, holding me in the palm of His hand.
"I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior" (Isaiah 43:1-3).

By the time I reached my thirties, I thought I had achieved an understanding of spiritual things and a peace. I was working as an interior designer from an office in my home and was looking for a secretary, so I ran an ad in the Main-Line Times. Claire Strickler showed up at my door. I was immediately drawn to her. Day after day I thought I was calm; she was calmer. I thought I was at peace; she was more peaceful. She had something nice to say about everything and was so loving. I'd often hear her say, "Praise the Lord." I knew she was a Catholic so I thought that was "her thing" and had nothing to do with me since I was Jewish.

Claire would leave me Scripture verses, sometimes on the blue memory cards from CBS. They were truths I felt in my heart, but I had never read the Bible. One day Claire asked if I would like to attend her Bible study luncheon. They were learning about Moses. She had something I wanted, and I wanted to find out what it was, so I went.

As I walked into the room it seemed as if there were 100 "Claires" sitting there. It was so comforting; I felt so loved, and I kept coming. We were studying the Pentateuch, the first five books of the Old Testament. I am a very organized person, and I was systematically studying God's Word, categorizing it, and organizing it to fit into everything I knew. My Core Leader, Becky, was very patient with me, calling and encouraging me each week, waiting for me to ask questions. By the time April rolled around I had learned many things about my Jewish roots. I came face to face with the fact that my ancestors knew there had to be a blood sacrifice to atone for sins. Centuries ago the High Priest made sacrifices on the altar, but the temple no longer exists. Many Jews (and countless people of other religions) believe that good works and fasting on special days will make our atonement. I personally had never really thought much about sin.

Then one of our lessons asked us to cross reference to Isaiah 53 and the bottom fell out of my organized, systematic scheme of how God, Judaism, New Age, Jesus, etc. all fit together. In class we read,
"He grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of dry ground. He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him. He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed" (Isaiah 53:2-5).

I asked my Core Group, "Why didn't anybody ever show this to me before? I have never seen this!" They suggested I seek answers from my own people, and I spent the next week conferring with Rabbis and various Jewish scholars. They told me that this Scripture referred to the State of Israel, which did not make sense to me. How could the whole state be pierced? Why would we despise and not esteem our own land? If Israel was crushed, how could we have peace? It seemed a greater leap of faith to believe it referred to Israel rather than to believe it referred to Jesus. I learned that Isaiah 53 is not ever read in the synagogue, even though the rest of Isaiah is. I tried very hard to explain to myself all that I had seen and understood so that I would not have to change. I could not. I asked myself, "Is the Bible really God inspired? Would everything I was raised to believe have to be thrown out? Do I really believe there is a God?" I knew that I did believe in God, so I chose to believe in the Bible as His Word and Jesus as the Messiah.

The end of the previous chapter in Isaiah says, "For what they were not told, they will see, and what they have not heard, they will understand" (Isaiah 52:15). That day God was faithful to His Word. I saw and understood. But what a scary place I was in. My family, my neighbors, and most of my friends were Jewish. What was this going to mean for my life? God was gracious. He did not push me and I finished out the year learning and studying as before but with a new depth of understanding from my heart and not merely my head. At the Sharing luncheon my Core Leader and Core Group asked me if I would like to ask Jesus into my heart. I was scared. There was much I did not understand. I did not know what would happen to my life, but I had a hunger for the peace that Claire had, a hunger for the truth, and a hunger for God. So I prayed, "Lord give me the faith to know Jesus and to believe in Him. Forgive me for my sins, and show me this is real."

"Well," I thought, "I don't feel any different. I guess I'll be OK, and if I decide later that it's not OK, I can change my mind." But once the Holy Spirit comes into your life, you are no longer in charge. God created a miracle in me. By the middle of that summer I was a different person. "And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him" (Hebrews 11:6). God has never ceased in pouring out His rewards on me.

Knowing God was in charge gave me the peace I had witnessed in Claire. Knowing He loved me and has forgiven me gave me the love I had seen in her and in so many others here at CBS. I hungered to know more about the Lord and more about the Bible.

That was six years ago. Today I am a member of a Jewish Messianic Temple, have many new friends, and am the Children's Director of my CBS class. Last summer God asked me to step out in even bolder faith. There was an opportunity for my children to attend Delaware County Christian School. I asked the Lord,"How will I do this? Give me faith!." God has been faithful and my children are at DCC School this year. They are loving it, growing in the Lord, and causing my husband to look at his life and his belief in God. God has softened his heart and made this possible.

I don't want to give the impression that my life is just "peachy" all the time. God continually asks me to be faithful. I cling to the promises from His Word, trusting in them. I have learned, through the rejection and anger of my Jewish family and friends, that believing is not about "good feelings." It is about having faith in what we do not see. I am thankful that Claire, Becky, and all the women in that first Core Group had faith in what they did not see in me. Their persistent faith changed my life. I was once dead, dead in my sin, and now because Jesus is my personal Messiah, I am alive.

You and I must have persistent faith for the salvation of family members and friends. If we have faith and pray diligently, the Holy Spirit will peel off the scales so they can see. Be encouraged. If a New Age Jew like me can have her life turned around, people you love and come in contact with can as well. Be lights to their world (like Claire was for me). God will help them to see and to understand.